Numbed out.

I set out to write this entry about breathing through a difficult feeling, using the breath as a metronome to keep space in a heated situation like I read in Bringing Yoga to Life the other day. Much to my chagrin, it is not a magic smoke that takes the feeling away. I'm here with it. As my breath gets deeper, I penetrate through what I'm feeling into the deep layers of samskaras that it is originating from.

Now it feels a little better.

I am tired of being unhappy all the time. I am tired of always wanting to be somewhere else, wanting to live in the future, wanting to live in the past. It gives me a headache. It gets stuck in my gut and feels like silly putty fills my organs. It's a numb, swampy feeling. I can get rid of it temporarily, but who has time for that? I come home so tired from sitting all day that I can't move.

Numb.

I'm sailing through life waiting to reach some future point and it's no secret, but I love where I am.

Numb again. Good night.