Wandering

I have spent the better part of my day wandering around. I don't know what to do with myself when I am not busy. Today I specifically chose to be not busy, which seemed so nice and luxurious when I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off yesterday. It's an addiction, though. Now that I am sitting and actively doing nothing (words are funny), I feel kind of agitated. I know there are some things I "should" be doing--yoga, walking the dogs, lots of work stuff that needs to be done--but I can't really bring myself to start any of those tasks. Really all that I think (that's an edit) I want to do right now is smoke a bowl, watch tv, and play on my computer. All busy busy stuff that adds to the noise in the background.

I know that stillness is yummy. I've been there before and enjoyed it. But how do I give up noise? Is it like nicotine? Do I have to "quit?" Is such a thing possible?

Noise, noise, noise.

I guess I am settling into it. But I'm so distracted. Fuzzy. Needing to ... ?

Usually I sit here and have some sort of epiphany--at least temporarily. It's not coming today.