I had a lovely meditation tonight at the Yoga Barn with Franca, but I can feel the effects starting to wear off as I sit in front of the computer and read nasty things on the internet--child molestation, war, it can all be very upsetting and overwhelming. I can feel my heart closing over itself again, saying "no, I'm not dealing with this." It numbs out. I find myself wanting to change the subject to why something outside is upsetting me, but I know that it comes from the inside.

Franca's card tonight said that I should allow myself time to heal. I feel like I want to slip into victim mode as a way of fulfilling that for myself, but I know that is not what was meant. I need to open up, but allow myself to do so in a gradual way that will not cause everything to just close up again. I keep butting my head up against the same wall, but no amount of skull-bashing is going to tear it down. I think my next step is not bashing my head against the wall.

With that, I am going to take a bath.