Forgetting

Forgetting what's most important to me is like leaning on my elbows simply because I don't feel like holding myself up. I shouldn't be so hard on myself though... being lazy is a samskara that is very, very deep. I get caught up in the rest of my life (where there is a lot to be wrapped up in) and I just forget. How can I keep from doing that? How can I keep from screaming at people on the road again or forgetting to write in my journal?

Tapas.

And the only way that tapas is going to remain a constant in my life is through hard work and dedication. That's another samskara--not being truly dedicated to anything. Perhaps if I focus my attention on breaking that one, or the laziness one, I can get deeper into what I'm really trying to solve. The problem is, I jump from samskara to samskara without truly concentrating on any one of them. That's what I need to focus on--dedication. I need to dedicate myself to something and just stick to it, wading through the dvesa and raga to get to what I know I need to do. It's purely my choice, I just have to make it.

Now to make that experiential knowledge instead of just conceptualizing it. I have to live it.