Samskara

As part of my Advanced Studies July intensive, Robin suggested that we pick a samskara that we would like to work on. We're supposed to journal about our experiences over the next nine days. Here goes...

I picked getting angry at Zack. It's definitely a deep samskara, and it's not only Zack that I get angry at, but I'll work on that one first. I have a low patience threshold and I'm (a little) controlling. When things don't go my way, I get angry and I direct that anger at the person that I feel is causing it. That's not the only reason I get angry, but it's the main reason I get angry at Zack. I have expectations that don't get fulfilled.

Which klesha does this angry plant sprout from?

Well, as I look over my list... this one's a doozy. I think the main culprit here is asmita--identification with the ego. I think I'm right all the time (at least more than I think Zack is right), and that causes me to feel slighted when he does something that doesn't jive with my opinion. For example, he likes to sit around and play video games for hours on end when it's a beautiful day outside. Sometimes I get really frustrated with him because I think that he's doing his health a disservice by staying in the basement and escaping himself through computer-related entertainment. When I do that, I feel guilty about it and know I should be doing something else, but he doesn't see a problem with it and gets defensive when I get frustrated with him about it. It seems so obvious to me, but perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to make decisions for someone else. Not only am I so convinced that I'm right, but I also have a set idea about who I (and he) should be.

Now that I think about it, asmita does not seem like the most appropriate klesha to talk about first... in fact, I'm having a hard time deciding which klesha to pick first. I think my brain is a little burnt out from today--so I close this first entry by simply setting an intention to not get mad at Zack just because I think he is so very (very very very very) wrong.